A quote from a book I read many months ago has been swimming around in my head all day long, "I am not dying from cancer. I am LIVING with cancer". I've had my pity party over the disappointing fact that the Xeloda did not work, not even a little bit. IT is now time to focus on the positive. God is good, let's see why I can say this.
I have some wonderful, sweet friends, and an awesome husband, who help me put things into perspective. When I went on my first regimen of chemo way back in July, I was told of the terrible side effects, nausea and vomiting, severe fatigue...well, you get the picture. Other than the not working that well on the cancer, it was not a truly terrible experience. God gave me strength and energy and the fabulous support of my church family and many friends to get me through it with minimal side effects. The second regimen was supposed to wipe out my white blood cells, greatly increasing my risk of infections which can be especially difficult in the fall with at least one of my children sick at all times. But my counts made a very slight dip to one point below normal and NEVER dropped again. It was truly amazing. I was so healthy that a week before my surgery, Levi got the flu and laid on me for at least 3 days and I didn't even get the sniffles. God is ever present in my life! My scans before my surgery were clear, surgery and recovery went well and it was on to radiation. I also responded good physically to the radiation, not knowing that the cancer was growing in my lungs, my body held up. I must admit I was surprised when my ct showed how fast the cancer had grown. I didn't feel bad enough to have cancer. I am still astonished some days. I truly believe God's Spirit has given me supernatural strength and energy to get through these days with my family and friends with some joy.
Now for today; I start a new chemo regimen this morning that is a combination of taxotere and carboplatin. I responded really well to taxotere's cousin taxol and the carboplatin shows great results in women with triple negative breast cancers so keep those prayers coming! My children are happy and busy, I am now allowed to enjoy some sunshine and laughter. Well, I am always able to enjoy some laughter :) It really is the best medicine. God CAN heal me, but if he chooses not to, I will still praise Him for all the good He has shown me and all the good He has promised my husband and children.
Oh, and I get to be bald again. I really do prefer to be bald when I have cancer. It gives me so many free passes and preferential treatment. And I can have so much more fun with people! Are you listening future wife? This is all part of your training!