disappointments and inspirations

I know, I know. I'm not very good at this blogging thing. I mean come on, a bald guy on a bike can ride 125 miles in one day and still find the time to blog, all I do is sit around all day and I can't find a minute, right? I do have cancer though so I think I have him beat :) Love you Lincoln!

So, last Friday I received the results of the chest ct I had to see if the spots on my lungs were shrinking. They are. In fact, all but one of them are gone and that one is significantly smaller. The lymph nodes are about fifty percent smaller and the breast tumor is smaller also. You would think I would be jumping for joy at this news; Dr. Gualtieri certainly was! I must admit, I was disappointed. I wanted the spots to be there so I would be able to classify my cancer as stage III, not stage IV. God chose not to give me that certainty. Dr. G. still refuses to stage me saying he isn't convinced the spots are cancer and one of my sisters in Christ sent me an encouraging message about calcification disappearing from her lungs for which I am grateful. The Lord used the beautiful Casey Green to lift my spirits by reminding me, and I quote, "It just gives us more to pray about and lets God perform a BIGGER miracle so that all can see and know that it is of God's hand that heals you. He is still working....doctor's news can't bring you the peace that God provides." Thank you Casey!  I needed to remember that He is in control. He also answered the many prayers that I would not be allergic to the Taxol. I actually felt pretty good this weekend hanging out with Cathy Jones (Phoebe's CathyMommy) while Donald and Cameron were at Outback of America. God is so good to me.

I am continually amazed by His grace and mercy and love, especially as it is shown to me and my family through His people. I am building relationships with women I would probably have never taken the time to get to know all because I have cancer. I am meeting new people, because I have cancer. I am sharing the Good News, because I have cancer. Other people are sharing the Good News, because I have cancer. Who would ever have thought that so much GOOD would come out of Cristina Boudah having cancer?!  I am more spiritually fit then I have been in years and I am just basking in the love that is surrounding my family. Team Cristina is at 92 members and growing. Can you feel the love?

On another note, in the Boudah household, we are reading the book Radical, and boy is it radical! I am revisiting a passion I used to have for the persecuted church in other parts of the world. You do remember that there is a global church, don't you? How can I whine about cancer when we have brothers in Christ sitting in prison while their wives and children starve, all for the Gospel? How can I complain when we have brothers and sisters in Christ in prison, being tortured, for Jesus? It does put things in perspective.  Hebrews 13:3 says "Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourself were suffering." Who did you pray for today?

random update

Yesterday I had my last dose dense treatment. In two weeks I start the first of twelve weekly Taxol treatments which will put me having a bilateral masectomy the week after Christmas. So many changes in so short a time. And yet I am grateful on this 9th Anniversary of 9/11. How can I not be? I've been given time to absorb the changes. The many women and men that died on that day were not given any time. It was just change for their families...sudden and irrevocable. My oncologist thinks my tumor has shrunk significantly and he is very pleased. I am having a chest ct on Sept. 22 to see if the spots on my lungs are still there (we want them to be!) so we'll be able to truly stage my cancer. I am grateful for every minute God gives me with my family, every minute my kids get to know me a little more and I am forever grateful for the prayers surrounding us and the encouragement from my Christian family and my friends who love me. This journey would be much bumpier without all of the support!

On a lighter note, between Summer Raby working out with me and the bald guy on a bike inspiring me, I am moving more. I walked a mile (pushing a stroller) one day, and I even made it four minutes on my elliptical machine Thursday! I also am hoping to be able to walk the 5K in the Liz Hurley Ribbon run on October 16. Woo hoo! AND, I met a woman yesterday who is on her 5th Taxol treatment and she still has eyebrows AND eyelashes!! There is hope yet, ha! Just remember people, God is good ALL the time!!

here we go

I keep forgetting I don't have hair. I reach up to pull out the pony tail holder or I jump when I look in the mirror. This goes along with the forgetting I have cancer. Most days my health is not an issue. I go about business as usual other than the many meals and friendly visits, my days are pretty normal. Then my throat gets sore or my head starts to ache and I remember, I have cancer. It's a little surreal. I never would have asked God to grow me this way. I guess that's why He's God and I am not. The guilt I feel when I yell at my kids is much more profound but so is the joy I hear at their laughter. The tears I now shed are much more heartfelt, but then again...so is my laughter! After all, how many of us have a built in excuse to get out of anything, and I mean anything... People are also much nicer to me with the bald head and all. I've gotten extra discounts and even a joke from the check out lady at Cameron's school. It makes life much easier when people are nice. Maybe I'm nicer too. I don't know. I do know that the support I am receiving is God sent. His people are surrounding me with love and prayers and encouragement. My friends are helping me to laugh my way through this and I am looking forward to what tomorrow brings. Until then... "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."John 13:35 NASB