Saturday, September 4, 2010
here we go
I keep forgetting I don't have hair. I reach up to pull out the pony tail holder or I jump when I look in the mirror. This goes along with the forgetting I have cancer. Most days my health is not an issue. I go about business as usual other than the many meals and friendly visits, my days are pretty normal. Then my throat gets sore or my head starts to ache and I remember, I have cancer. It's a little surreal. I never would have asked God to grow me this way. I guess that's why He's God and I am not. The guilt I feel when I yell at my kids is much more profound but so is the joy I hear at their laughter. The tears I now shed are much more heartfelt, but then again...so is my laughter! After all, how many of us have a built in excuse to get out of anything, and I mean anything... People are also much nicer to me with the bald head and all. I've gotten extra discounts and even a joke from the check out lady at Cameron's school. It makes life much easier when people are nice. Maybe I'm nicer too. I don't know. I do know that the support I am receiving is God sent. His people are surrounding me with love and prayers and encouragement. My friends are helping me to laugh my way through this and I am looking forward to what tomorrow brings. Until then... "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."John 13:35 NASB
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Thank you so much for allowing me to be part of your journey and your life. I thank God for placing you in my life. I love you!
ReplyDeleteVera
How easily we forget when it happens to us.... it's almost like it matters more to everyone around you then it actually does you. And I don't mean you like you, Crissy, I mean you in general. It's hard to let go and actually accept help and support from others, much easier to be in the "I'm fine", "put on a brave face" facade for everyone. I wondered how I got thru a c-section so much more quickly last time and I finally figured it out... it's because so many people were here and needy and NOT HELPING and I didn't want to appear weak or in pain so I sucked it up and pretended it didn't exist, crying alone when and where no one could see me. Hmmm, not sure I would recommend it. This time, it's just me and Gran and he can see right through the pleasant exterior and knows the pain I feel. I have to hand it to you for being honest about how you feel, I'm not sure I would be strong enough to do it. Kudos to you for teaching me to how to be strong. I love ya chica!
ReplyDeleteKristen
Hey sweetie. I am so honored to count you as part of my family. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Everyday I thank God for bring you to mind. LUV YA! in Texas,
ReplyDeleteAuntie Melly