Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thess. 5:16-18

Monday, April 2, 2012

Is it odd?

First, please forgive any errors, I'm trying to post this from my phone and everything seems a little off.
Now, as I lie here with Levi after a pretty horrific couple of weeks pretty much wishing for a faster death, I am beginning to feel hopeful again. I know that we're finished with the radiation to the tumors in my brain and that I've been told there is nothing else we can do, drug or chemo wise, to treat the disease left in my lungs; yet I lie here hopeful. God can still do ANYTHING He chooses to do with me. I could get better, or worse, bur it is totally out if my control. I pray they there will be much more laughter than tears in the days to come (and hopefully a few trips!) and that I can truly learn about love and grace and all that good stuff. I pray for a proper perspective and no depression. I pray that God will suck the anger and irritability out of my soul and that my family friends will enjoy a season of peace. I can be honest here and say this has been a nightmare couple of weeks with me getting do suck seemingly so fast. My husband has carried a n enormous burden with grace and dignity in the face of a huge unknown. I am blessed to have such a loving caretaker. My oldest and his older sister have stepped up helping with the younger ones and we ate now taking it one day at a time praying fervently for a miracle while somehow staying in the realism of the diagnosis given. It is more fun to hope, though, right? Today, I am choosing to be happy. I am choosing to LIVE, not die. I hope you all will join me.

Much love....