Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thess. 5:16-18

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

fear and waiting in Huntsville, Alabama

This is my prayer today:

There are so many scriptures regarding waiting, waiting on you, and here we are again....waiting. I so wish I could wait without fear, in perfect peace, but today I am struggling. Intellectually, Lord, I know you have a plan and you will take care of my family if I get to go home. Intellectually, I know that the test hasn't even been run yet and it could be nothing. And yet I feel as if a cloud has settled upon me and I cannot see the light. I ask that you shine your light into my heart and into my home. I ask that you will guard my heart and mind with your peace and restore my joy, for I have much to be joyful for! I pray that I can focus my energy on others in need, instead of my own selfish worries. I pray that you will remove the spirit of doubt that seems to have invaded my home and replace it with a Spirit of Faith. I can't stop thinking that I do not worship a God of fear and anxiety and I feel guilty and faithless. Please restore me oh Lord. Lift me up into the Heavenly places and give me strength to encourage others as so many have tried to do for me lately. I am so tired. You promise in Isaiah 40 that " those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired; they will walk and not become weary." I claim this promise for me and mine today! You have poured your blessings upon me and I thank you for them. I thank you for the love and reminders of love you have blessed me with in the last 8 months. I thank you for this outlet and pray that anyone reading this will not think less of me for my feelings or you for your answers.
I offer this up to you in the Name of your most precious Son...

Psalm 34: 17-18
The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

This one's for Shelby.

Day 28 of radiation and my armpit is on fire! Oh, and deodorant is definitely underrated along with being able to shave under your arms. I could never live in France...

I started this blog so I would have a written account of my journey with cancer, but life got in the way and I put it off. Now I'm revisiting the idea of an online journal with just 8 radiation treatments to go. And I am doing this for you, Shelby (nice shout out, huh?)! I must say the best part of all of this has been the increase in my faith that God is GOOD. I have grown tremendously throughout all of the treatments, fatigue, and family drama. I've seen Jesus in the many people He has placed in my life, at just the right time, with just the right words and actions. But today, I am tired and in pain, and now I'm waiting on a phone call to let me know if the machine is working so I can have my treatment. Good times! BIG sigh... Waiting is the name of the game, right? Wait, wait, wait, and wait some more. I keep hearing the verse in my head: Be strong and take courage and wait for the Lord. I hear it over and over and over... Oh well, enough of THAT! It's time for some Udder Cream and maybe even a shower. Woo hoo! And just think, in a couple of weeks...wait for it...DEODORANT!!!!